Fair Damsels and Foul Treachery
Jolly Prankster Giant
Maurice Wheatley was always a big boy, at 6 foot 5 inches and 294 pounds as a sophomore playing for high Point as a defensive lineman. He could take on dares and contests based on eating or drinking alcohol without a second thought normally, but one offer to eat “as much candy as you want” was too good to be true: Maurice went through the door and ended up in a gingerbread kingdom in Arcadia given only a knife and fork by his Keeper who resembled one of Santa’s elves. Yumboe was given one task: eat the entire gingerbread kingdom and freedom from Arcadia was ensured. Only one problem: the candy is all sugar-free and the chocolate was really Ex-Lax chocolate with the “Ex-Lax” scratched out of every single bar. (Farting and diarrhea apparent amused this Keeper to no end.) It took two years, but eventually Yumboe ate the entire gingerbread kingdom and was released. Yumboe was initially reluctant to mention anything of his embarrassing Durance, until Roscoe broke through the wall one evening when the “shitty” Durance that they became friends ever since.